she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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