The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
