Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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