ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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