you have to choose: penises or morals?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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