Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
