Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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