im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
