I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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