I cannot find my penis.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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