Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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