capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
