Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
