Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
