I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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