and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
