Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
