This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
