I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
