a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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