If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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