you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
