That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
