do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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