Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
