It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
