i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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