I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
