My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
