I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
