dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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