Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
