I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You're like the curious george of whores
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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