Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
