btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
