I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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