it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
