I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
