what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
