And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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