Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
