A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I fill condoms, not promises.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
