Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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