Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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