i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
