You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
