I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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