can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
