the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
