DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
