pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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