Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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