Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
