ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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