My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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