I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
