I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
