Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
