made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
