the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
