just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
